August 2025
I had finally worked up the motivation to cook dinner after a long day at work and an even longer commute home. Then my 9-year-old came to me, a bag of water balloons in hand, asking for a spontaneous water balloon fight. Did he not know I was a boring adult with a never-ending to-do list? Cooking dinner, doing laundry, making a dentist appointment, and maybe even starting my taxes—that was my plan. But to him, the math was simple: it was hot, we had water balloons, and we had a hose. All the numbers were adding up.
So guess what I did? I said yes, and then I smoked that kid in a water balloon fight. It only took about 15 minutes and a towel, but we laughed, smiled, and experienced a little summer joy together. I won’t exaggerate and say we created a magical, lifelong memory—I don’t know about that. But for a brief moment, we were just a mom and son having fun in the front yard.
As a single mom to three adopted sons, my life is often anything but simple. My older two have very challenging needs and behaviors. I feel like I have to be hyper-vigilant at all times and that I am one slip-up from being the neighborhood hot-mess-express. It is exhausting to manage four human lives every day, and I imagine my stress and exhaustion shows by the end of the day.
Despite all that, my little buddy came to me and asked me to do something fun — and I said yes. That ask was his bid for connection, and the more I can show him that he’s important to me and that I have space for him, the more connected we will be.
I know a water balloon fight can’t happen every day. But I can find small ways to be more engaged and playful even when my internal to-do list is screaming. Here are a few things that help me create more connection:
Embrace the “Always Yes” Protocol
We have a basketball hoop and a trampoline in the backyard. When they ask me to play—even when I don’t want to—it’s an “always yes” for me. I tell myself it’s “protocol.” Most of the time, it only takes 10 minutes. I can handle that.
Practice Active Listening
If they’re telling me a story about their friends or explaining an imaginary situation with their Matchbox cars, I stop what I’m doing. I pause anything making noise, put my hands in my lap, and truly listen. It’s not always easy, but I’m hoping that if I show them I’m listening now, they might return the favor someday. The less I try to multitask, the less thin my patience becomes.
Prioritize “Touchpoint” Moments
I make a point to connect with them first thing in the morning, as soon as I see them after work, and right before bed. Keeping these important “touchpoint” moments in mind helps me build a routine of connection.
Automate to Lighten the Load
I find ways to lighten my load and automate tasks as much as possible. A housekeeper might not be in the budget, but a robot vacuum set to run after we leave the house makes a big difference. I also use Amazon’s Subscribe and Save for household staples and order groceries online so I don’t have to step foot in a store.
Give Yourself Grace
Air fryer food is still dinner. The Queen has yet to visit, so it’s okay if the living room is messy. Limiting my time on social media also helps me ease the pressure to live up to the illusion of perfection.
Life is a lot of work for anyone. Add in kids, especially kids who have experienced trauma or have developmental differences, and the weight on your shoulders can feel impossible. It’s easy to become a manager instead of a mom.
Taking a small moment to say yes and be playful can make the road less rocky and more joyful. My kids won’t look back and say, “Wow, my mom had a spotless kitchen and was the best at scheduling appointments.” I want them to look back and remember that I showed them they were precious and important enough for me to pause being a boring adult and play a round of Mario Kart with them—or even throw water balloons at them.