By Delaney Duff, Kansas Adoption Exchange Family Specialist)
So, you’ve taken the plunge! Whatever path led your family to adoption from foster care, you’ve checked the big boxes: pre-service training is behind you and/or your Home Study is officially ready to go. Whether you’re a local Kansas family or joining us from out-of-state, the foundation is laid and you have completed your family profile on the Adopt KS Kids website. Now, you’re diving into recruitment profiles and—boom—you find a kiddo (or a few!) you want to learn more about. It’s an incredible feeling, but it raises the ultimate question: Now what? Let’s talk about how to look past the profile to ensure a healthy, happy match for both the children you’re hoping to learn more about and your existing crew.
So, you’ve reviewed a child’s Adopt KS Kids private narrative and now you’re preparing for a Matching Call with the child’s case team. This is your chance to look past the paperwork and understand the human being behind the profile. You’ll talk about your family’s ‘vibe’ and get down to the nitty-gritty: What triggers a hard day? What brings them pure joy? Because this choice carries so much weight for both your family and the child, total honesty is your best tool. If a specific behavior or need feels daunting, don’t ignore it—investigate it. Ask about frequency, duration, and what support has worked in the past. After the call, sit with what you’ve learned, and process your thoughts with your worker. If you realize you aren’t the right match for that child’s specific needs, give yourself permission to say so. A ‘no’ today isn’t a dead end; it’s just a not yet. Your journey might not take the path you first imagined, but the goal remains the same: a healthy, permanent, and successful home for a child.
If you’re anything like me, you may know that there are additional things that need to be discovered but aren’t always quite sure where to start. I’ve compiled a list (see below) of questions you might ask to help determine if your family may be a good match for a child or sibling group either during or shortly after a matching call.
· When a behavior starts, what steps do you do to de-escalate the situation? What are strategies you found that work?
· What does a normal daytime and bedtime routine look like?
· What are favorite meals that help them feel more comfortable? Any strong dislikes or sensory issues with food?
· How do they handle transitions (leaving the house, stopping an activity, getting to school)?
· Have you noticed any specific triggers for them (phrases, time of day, anniversaries, people, etc.)?
· What kind of routine or structure do they do best with? Has a specific form of discipline worked best for them? Are there approaches that simply do NOT work for them?
Sometimes, what happens next can be perhaps the toughest part of the entire process, and it’s important to acknowledge the emotional weight it carries. You’ve done the research, survived the matching call, and started picturing a bedroom setup or a spot at the dinner table—only to hear that the case team is moving in a different direction. It’s okay to feel the sting of that; you’ve already started dreaming about the ‘what ifs.’ But please hear this: being told you are not a match for a child is not a failure. From the outside, things like the child moving to a new city, joining a home with siblings, or being in a single-parent household, might seem like minor adjustments. But for a child who has had very little say in their own story, or has experienced trauma, these ‘details’ are their entire world. Sometimes, the team is looking for a very specific environment to help that child thrive, and while it’s hard to hear ‘not this one,’ it’s all part of ensuring a successful, permanent match for everyone involved.
On the flip side, let’s talk about the moment we’ve all been waiting for: you’ve reviewed the private narrative, asked the appropriate questions in the matching call,, the case team believes you may be a good fit for the child, and you’re officially selected at the Best Interest Staffing (BIS).
First of all—congratulations! This is a huge, heart-pounding milestone. But before you start planning for the child’s move, use this adjustment period after the official BIS decision to learn as much about the child as you can. You know those ‘lightbulb’ questions that hit you at 2:00 AM just as you’re drifting off? Write them down and email the case team. Ask to chat with the child’s current placement to hear about their favorite snacks or bedtime routines. If there’s a specific medical or behavioral need mentioned that’s new to you, start your ‘homework’ now. The more you know, the smoother that first day in your home will be. This isn’t an all-encompassing guide by any means so if you need additional support in navigating this evaluation process you can always lean on your Child Placing Agency worker or your Adopt KS Kids Family Specialist to help you through it. You can also check out the informational videos on our ‘Information About Adoption’ page or review some of our helpful resources regarding adoption from foster care.