Alex Hepner | Sept 2025
I got a call one day, and within 24 hours, I had a baby in my arms. At the time, I was a single mother to my 5-year-old daughter, I took a kinship placement of my 2-month-old niece. At the time, I had no idea how foster care or kinship care worked. It was my understanding that I’d just have placement for a short time while her parents worked on things — and then she’d go home. But days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and eventually, I adopted her.
I always worried about how this would affect my 5-year-old. I tried to explain things to her as best I could, considering her age, and she always seemed to understand. She was genuinely excited to be getting a baby sister.
As my adopted daughter got older, she began showing more behaviors related to her trauma, which naturally meant she needed more of my time and attention. I worried even more about whether my biological daughter felt left out or like she wasn’t getting enough from me. I talked with her often, and she always said she was okay — but, of course, the worry never fully went away.
Some time later, when the girls were a little older and I was now married, we got another call — another niece needed a home. This time, knowing what we were getting into, we took some time to talk with the girls, especially my older daughter, to make sure she was okay with it. She had zero hesitation and was all in — ready to welcome another baby sister.
Still, I worried. Would she someday resent me for bringing in kids who needed more of my attention? Would she feel pushed aside?
Well, my daughter is almost 16 now — and she’s the best big sister I’ve ever met. She’s fully embraced the role, and she does it with pride, kindness, and intention. She’s walked alongside me through the adoption process twice. She’s one of the most trauma-informed people I know. She’s able to look past behaviors and ask herself, “What might this person be going through?” Right now, she’s coaching her 6-year-old sister’s soccer team — and totally rocking it.
All that time I spent worrying… she was learning. She was growing. She was rising to meet every challenge. She showed me that kids are often capable of more than adults give them credit for — and she proves it to me every single day.
She’s taught me that being a kinship family really is a family obligation — and she takes that to heart.
So, if you ever find yourself in the position of taking a kinship placement and you’re hesitating because you’re worried about how your biological child might react… just remember: they might have been born to be a big sibling — and you don’t want to hold them back from becoming exactly who they’re meant to be. This National Kinship Month, I’m grateful not only for the chance to be a kinship parent, but also for the way it has shaped my family in ways I never could have imagined.