(Relatives and non-related kin often provide loving homes for children when their birth parents are unable to care for them. This type of arrangement, known as kinship placement, provides an environment that is likely more familiar to a child.)

Hi, my name is Alex, I’ve been married to my husband, Nate for, a little over five years now, and together we have five children. I have one biological daughter that is 14-years-old, a 12-year-old stepdaughter, a nine-year-old stepson and two adopted daughters through kinship, ages nine and five. Our adopted daughters both came into care at just a couple of months old and have been with us ever since.

In May of 2023, my husband and I got a call to take kinship placement of TWO babies aged three months and 15 months. Their father is my cousin through marriage, and they are the biological cousins of my adopted daughters. We immediately said no because we couldn’t take two more kids as we didn’t even have room in our van, but the case team told us there were not many kinship options, and so they would likely have to look at a foster home. The team called back the next day saying they were unable to find a foster home where the children could be together, so they were trying to find two kinship homes where the children could still be with family and see each other. We agreed to take the three-month old, and his sister went to another family member’s house. That didn’t last very long though, and by the end of summer we had both babies in our home.

From the start of the kid’s placement with us, I asked permission from the case team to have open communication with the bio parents. Instead of going through the case team, I went directly to them when I had questions about the child’s history, dislikes, or any other questions that came up. We shared milestones through video calls and photos, hosted visits, and supervised them when the case team couldn’t.  I didn’t know it at the time, but we were starting to pave the way to what has become a really incredible relationship with us, the kids, and their parents. Prior to the kids being placed with us, I hadn’t had a relationship with their dad since we were young, and we are over 10 years apart in age. Nate, the bio parents, and I became a team that put the kid’s best interest at heart. We also helped advocate for the parents to have visits increased and helped them get services in place for the kids to return home when they didn’t feel supported by the case team. When the kids started having overnight visits, we would get calls and text asking us what the kids liked or how to calm them for bed, etc. As we prepared for the kids to go home, we sent all their favorite things with them, helped their parents prepare their apartment, and made sure they had all the services they needed at home. Since the kids went home, we’ve been able to visit them, attend their birthday parties, and support them and their parents in any way that we can.

Here are some key things to remember when building a relationship with bio parents:

• Open and honest communication is key

• They are still the parents

• They may also need your support

• Just because they don’t parent the same way you do doesn’t mean it’s incorrect